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[Jan. 11th, 2008|08:01 pm] |
This Love Type Love.
I want a love like me thinking of you thinking of me thinking of you type love or me telling my friends more than I’ve ever admitted to myself about how I feel about you type love or hating how jealous you are but loving how much you want me all to yourself type love or seeing how your first name just sounds so good next to my last name. And shoot - I wanted to see how far I could get without calling you and I barely made it out of my garage. See, I want a love that makes me wait until she falls asleep then wonder if she’s dreaming about us being in love type love or who loves the other more or what she’s doing at this exact moment or slow dancing in the middle of our apartment to the music of our hearts. Closing my eyes and imagining how a love so good could just hurt so much when she’s not there and shoot - I love not knowing where this love is headed type love.
I want to place those little post-it notes all around the house so she never forgets how much I love her type love then not have enough ink in my pen to write all there is to love about her type love and hope I make her feel as good as she makes me feel type love. And a love where she distracts me from whatever I'm doing type love and just like in high school I want to spend hours on the phone not saying anything and then fall asleep and then wake up with her right next to me and smell her scent all in my covers type love. And I want to deal with my friends making fun of me the way I made fun of them when they went through the same kind of love type love. The only difference is this is one of those real type loves. I want to try to count the ways in which I love her then lose count in the middle just so that I have to start all over again. I want to breakdown the time we spend into seconds just so it sounds like we spend more time together type love.
And also like in high school, I want to celebrate one of those one-month anniversaries even though they aren’t really anniversaries but doing it just because it makes her happy type love. And I want to fall in love with the melody the phone plays when her number is dialed into it then talk to her until I lose my breath; she leaves me breathless, but with the expanding of my lungs I inhale all of her back into me. I want a love that makes me need to change my cell phone calling plan to something that allows me to talk to her longer because in all honesty, I want to avoid one of those high cell phone bill type loves. And I want a love that makes me regret how small my hands are; I mean the lines on my palms don’t give me enough time to love you as long as I’d like to type love. And I want a love that makes me st-st-stutter just thinking about how strong this love is type love.
And I want a love that makes me want to cut off all my hair. Well maybe not all of the hair, maybe like I’d cut the split ends and trim the mustache but it would still be a symbol of how strong my love is for her. I kind of feel comfortable now so I can tell you this; I even be fantasizing about walking out on a green light just dying to get hit by a car just so I could lose my memory, get transported to some third world country just to get treated and somehow meet up again with you so I could fall in love with you in a different language and see if it still feels the same type love.
I want a love that’s as unexplainable as she is. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 8th, 2007|11:12 pm] |
This past year has shown me so much about who people really are and how i cant trust anyone the way i think i can. friends come and go but the good ones stay. now i see who has gone and who is still here, and i mean REALLY here and im okay with it.
i would rather have a few real friends, then a bunch of wishy washy friends. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 21st, 2007|04:52 pm] |
i'm starting to learn.
you can't make someone love you.
you can't make someone be faithful to you.
you can't control your fate sometimes.
because things happen ; whether they be good, bad, or just indifferent.
you just have to let some things go, and hope they turn out for the best.
it's like falling off of a horse.
while you're in the air, you know it's going to really hurt when you hit the ground,
but there's not enough time to stop it, so you just close your eyes and hope for the best. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 10th, 2007|04:51 pm] |
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People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 20th, 2007|05:28 pm] |
Theres only so many times a girl can be dissapointed,
before she gives up trying,
only so many times a girl can get her heart broken,
before she gives up loving,
only so many times a girl can get hurt,
before she starts crying. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 31st, 2006|01:39 pm] |
Sometimes people mean more to you than what you want them to mean. Sometimes you care too much for them. Way too much. And most of the time, it's the person you really don't wanna care for. It's the person you don't even wanna think about. But life is so full of surprises. The friend you least expect will backstabb you. The friend you least expect will tell all your secrets. It's the boy you least expect who will break your heart. The boy you least expect who will make you cry. The boy you LEAST expect who will make you fall so hard. :[ but thats not the worst part. The worst part's not knowing what to do. Trying everything you can think of and yet you still can't take him off your mind. Everything happens for a reason. And I would sit here and ask myself, what the heck was the reason for this? Whats so great about being so hurt and wasting my perfectly good mascara on some stupid boy? But now I know.. It was so I can learn from my mistakes. It was to experience feelings I never felt. Great, Amazing feelings. And at the same time, horrible feelings. All the tears I cryed for you.. I don't think I'd take them back. If it weren't for you I wouldnt have learned everything I learned. That just makes me THAT much stronger. And if I ever DID do you wrong. I don't regret it. And I don't regret hurting you either. Im sure you deserved it. "Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go."
<3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 30th, 2006|02:16 pm] |
Life isn't about keeping score.
It's not about how many friends you have.
Or what group you hang out with.
It's not about if you have plans this weekend
or if your spending it alone.
It's not about who you're going out with,
or how many people you've gone out with.
It's not about how many people you kissed,
how far you've gone,
or if you've kissed no one at all.
It isn't about where you live &; go to school.
About how beautiful or ugly you are,
how others see you.
It doesn't matter what clothes you wear,
the purses you own, the make-up.
It doesn't matter what kind of music you listen to,
or if your hair is black,red, brown or blonde.
It doesn't matter how light or dark your skin is.
It's not about what grades you get,
how smart you are,
how smart other people think you are,
or even how smart a standardized test says you are.
It's not about how good or bad you are at "your sport".
It's not about trying to represent our whole being,
our whole life on the interent or a piece of paper.
It's not about getting accepted.
Life is about who you love and who you hurt,
it's about you make happy or un-happy, on purpose.
It's about how you see yourself.
It's about keeping or betraying trust.
It's about getting and giving second chances.
It's about the things you say and the things you mean
every thing inspiring and everything hurtful.
What your judgements are and why,
and who your judgments are spread to.
It's about anger jealousy fear ignorance and revenge.
It's about starting rumors and believing gossip.
It's about having love in your life and being able to admit it.
It's about sharing how you feel and why but mostly...
It's about using your life to touch another's
in such a way that could have NEVER occured alone |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 22nd, 2006|07:47 pm] |
Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become.
You never know who these people may be - a roommate, a neighbor, a friend, a lover, or even a complete stranger - but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way.
Sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart.
Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.
The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are sometimes the most important ones.
If someone loves you, give love back to them in whatever way you can, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things.
If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart.
Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and listen to what they have to say.
Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you.
You can make anything you wish of your life. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets.
And if you love someone tell them, for you never know what tomorrow may have in store.
Learn a lesson in life each day that you live! Today is the tomorrow you were worried about yesterday. Was it worth it? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 31st, 2006|07:50 pm] |
Love is that four letter word,
It’s not simply just a feeling
Or a state of mind that you put yourself in
But and instinct you get when
You constantly think about this person,
Wondering how they feel
Pondering what there thoughts are about
Soon your eyes start to tell those secrets
Every word you speak to them
Is a morse code for the truth behind your eyes
A special smile develops that
You only deliver to them from across a crowded room
Your heart is theirs for keeps
With hopes of an exchange for theirs
Love is sweet, a sweetness that should
Not be taken for granted
Love follows along with time
That conjures up a trust, a bond
& you would think three little words
Would be the simplest thing to utter
But to the one who means the entire world
The one you wake up to see
Even if no words are spoken
The one who makes you
Feel protected; that no harm can ever come upon you
Soon it seems the three simple words
Are the most important & life changing
Words in the English language
However no matter what you do
Or what you say
You can’t run away from it
It won’t erase time
So follow your instinct
& maybe you’ll find yourself
As the person who you
Have been hiding inside all along |
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laurennn__x3's journal
